I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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