I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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