i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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