You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
