I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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