Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
