Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
