just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
