just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
