i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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