He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
