oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
