I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
