I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
