I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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