guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
