The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize