Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
