I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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