Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
