I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
