census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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