Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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