Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
im holly from the hills drunk
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
