who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize