Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize