The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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