I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
