i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Text me some of your sweat
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
