I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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