the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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