The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
