He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
