a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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