My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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