I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
