What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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