My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
