so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
