So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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