Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(260): View more from Indiana

spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner

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(636): View more from Missouri

Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.

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(905): View more from Ontario

her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell

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(720): View more from Colorado

She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.

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(260): View more from Indiana

THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.

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