I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
