so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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