apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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