Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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