to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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