Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
