I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
