You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
