I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
