also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
