its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
