The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
