you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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