It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize