I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
