Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
