Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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