her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
