please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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