Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
