is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
