as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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