i always forget guys have bellybuttons
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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