Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
