I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
