so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize