I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i barfeds in our rink
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
