after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
