I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
