I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
