Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
