OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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