I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
